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Name: Sara ♥
Birthday: 5/22/1989
Interests: YOU!, Elvis Aaron Presley, broadway, christmas, comedy, food, friends, guitars, love, makeup, music, photography, secrets, shows, surprises, taco bell, text messaging, the front row, writing, my fiance, Christopher Michael Ball .. ♥
Expertise: bhs drumline, [[ photobucket ]], [[ myspace ]]
Message: message me
ICQ:  278830179
MSN: grimrot6
Member Since:
5/25/2006
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| Back towards the end of May, right after my birthday, I lost a very valuable piece of my life. I lost my great grandmother. She was a wonderful & amazing woman. She had overcome so many obstacles in her life .. I was so blessed to say that I had a great grandmother at the age of 19. My oldest cousin had a great grandmother until he was 21. How many people can say that anymore?!
The night that she passed away, I had the worst feeling (consciously) because I hadn't written her a letter yet to tell her thankyou for the birthday money (like I always did, every Christmas & every birthday, & sometimes just to write her). I hadn't had the time, I was busy with work, because once you work at Wal Mart, they pretty much own you. So I sat down & pulled out my notebook & wrote her, and as I wrote her letter, I just started crying uncontrollably. I don't know what came over me. I couldn't catch my breath, and tears were dripping off of my face & onto the paper. Chris called right as I was crying, and I told him the whole story about how I was angry with my dad for not telling me & taking me to Cobblestone (ask me later. lol.) to see her the summer before, because I knew it would've been the last time I would've seen, heard, & touched my great grandmother in person. I knew where I'd be seeing her the next time I did .. and the next morning, when I heard the phone ring, I didn't think much of it until I heard my mom gasp & say, 'Oh, Keith .. I'm so sorry ..' then I knew. No one had to tell me anything. I walked into the living room & started crying & my mom held me .. I was crying over many things; at the fact that I hadn't gotten her letter in the mail (I was going to mail it that day, along with her wedding invitation), & the fact she hadn't got to read it. I had wrote so many things in that letter that I wanted her to read before she passed away .. so many things I wanted her to know. How much I loved her & valued her. How lucky I was. How amazing I thought she was .. & it hurt me so bad because I was late. I had failed, & she'd never know what that letter said.
I had remembered at Christmas, I had written her a letter telling her about how I was getting married this coming summer and she'd have to come. At my wedding, I had the first pews clear, no one was allowed to sit there, and the seats were covered inw hite rose petals. Usually, the first pews are to be left clear for the loved ones you wish were there, but couldn't make it, like Chris' grandparents who've passed, my grandparents from Ohio couldn't make it because my grandma's too sick, and .. my lovely little great grandmother. The night of the rehearsal when we put the petals on the pews, I started crying because it hurt so much to think that these petals were partially in memory of her. Half of these little petals were for her.
There was a recent event that happened, I won't go into detail because it's really no one's business .. but even though she'd passed, she'd "saved my life" again. I'm not going into detail. But I just sat there and cried .. because I wish she was here for me to thank her. I know she knows how thankful & grateful I am, but it would just feel so much better to really tell her in person, to make sure that she knows .. I sounded so selfish, because I just kept saying, 'I want her back,' even though I know she is soo much better in heaven. Asking her to come back would be like asking her to starve. I could never do that.
Since then, every card that I can find that she's ever sent I've put up to keep. They're treasures to me. I know people tell me, 'She's in a better place' & blah blah .. but I guess I just never expected that day. It was nothing I ever thought about or anticipated. She'd always been there, all of my life .. I guess I expected her to be there forever. I expected her to see my babies, see her new generation of great GREAT grandchildren .. I always thought of how awesome that would be. To go see her one summer, watch her hold my baby, watch her hold her great great grandchild ..
I miss her. I miss everything about her. I miss talking to her on the phone on speakerphone with my dad, I miss hearing stories about her, I miss hearing HER stories, I miss her humor, always making me laugh .. I missed the feeling I'd usually get walking into her house, seeing her in her chair. My heart broke when she wasn't there. The house was all too quiet. The house was all too empty. Nothing was the same .. it never will be. I kindof feel guilty because I didn't get to see her as much as I should've, but I'm sure she couldn't blame me for being a little girl living 7 hours away. I miss her, & I know God will take good care of that woman .. I can only imagine what her crown of jewels looks like! I bet it's breathtaking :)
Never take your grandparents for granted. They won't be there forever .. ♥ | | |
| * SO I FEEL LIKE I JUST COOKED FOR NOTHING. CHRIS GOT OFF AT 4,, IT'S 5:30. WHERE'S THE HUSBAND AT?? HMM,, GOOD QUESTION,, HUH?! ALTHOUGH HE'S PROBABLY DOING SOMETHING USEFUL,, HE STILL SHOULD'VE CALLED TO LET ME KNOW HE WAS GONNA BE LATE -- && I DIDN'T HAVE TO RUSH && COOK FOR HIM!! THE PLAN WASSS .. HIM TO GET OFF WORK,, COME HOME && EAT,, THEN US GO TO TWILIGHT && GO TO MOM'S TO WASH OUR CLOTHES {CONSIDERING OUT WASHER DECIDED IT WANTED TO DIE}. GUESS THOSE PLANS ARE RUINED,, CAUSE NOW I FEEL LIKE I COOKED FOR NOTHING,, I'M NOT GOING TO GET TO SEE TWILIGHT LIKE I WAS PROMISED,, && I'M NOT GONNA GET TO WASH MY DIRTY CLOTHES {&& DUDE,, THERE'S CLOTHES IN THERE I WOULD LIKE TO WEAR AGAIN,, ESPECIALLY THE SWEATER I BOUGHT SPECIFICALLY FOR THANKSGIVING!!}.
I HATE MEN. I SERIOUSLY DO. ALL THEY DO IS THINK FOR THEMSELVES. WHENEVER A GUY TELLS YOU HE'S NOT LIKE EVERY OTHER GUY,, DON'T BELIEVE HIM,, HE'S LYING. IT'S JUST WHAT BOYS DO TO GET INTO YOUR PANTS .. && THEN SOME. ALL THEY WANNA DO IS RIP YOU UP && DESTROY YOU. :) HENCE WHY I HATE MEN!! PLUS,, THE FACT I COOKED && HE'S AN HOUR && A HALF LATE COMING HOME .. WHAT'S A GIRL SUPPOSED TO DO?? | | |
| * HAVE YOU EVER HAD SOMEONE EXTREMELY AMAZING WALK INTO YOUR LIFE,, && THEN JUST FADE AWAY? LIKE THEY JUST DISAPPEARED WITHOUT A TRACE? WELL,, IT SEEMS I'VE HAD QUITE AN OVERDOSE OF THAT LATELY .. && FROM SOMEONE YOU'D LEAST EXPECT IT FROM. BUT THEN AGAIN .. BY THEIR ''I'LL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU'' ATTITUDE,, MAYBE I ACTUALLY SHOULD'VE EXPECTED IT,, BECAUSE THE ONES THAT CLAIM THEY'LL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU NEVER STAY. I THINK WHAT MAKES IT EVEN WORSE IS I LET MY GUARD DOWN,, TRUSTED THIS PERSON,, && TOLD THEM PERSONAL THINGS. THINGS I DON'T JUST TELL SOMEONE RANDOMLY,, YOU KNOW? I HAVE MAJOR TRUST ISSUES WITH EVERY PERSON I MEET. I JUST DON'T TRUST PEOPLE .. && WHEN I DO,, IT'S TAKEN ME AWHILE TO REACH THAT POINT. BUT SOMETHING TOLD ME NOT TO LISTEN,, IT WOULDN'T BE OKAY,, DON'T TRUST THEM! BUT I IGNORED IT .. LIKE I ALWAYS DO.
WHY IS IT WHEN YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO YOUR GUT INSTINCT,, YOU NEVER DO? IF I COULD,, I WOULD HONESTLY KICK MYSELF IN THE FOREHEAD RIGHT NOW FOR BEING SUCH A DUMB ASS. I FEEL LIKE IF I COULD SHAKE MYSELF && SCREAM IN MY OWN FACE,, I'D SAY,, ''WAKE UP,, SARA! WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?! WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU?! YOU'RE NOT THE SARA I KNEW ONCE BEFORE .. WHERE'D SHE GO?!'' I REALLY JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND MYSELF && I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW I COULD BE THIS DUMB.
I COULD NEVER HATE THIS PERSON,, BUT I PROMISE -- NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME. | | |
| *MY FRIENDS ARE MY LIFELINE. I WOULD DO ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING FOR THEM. I WOULD TAKE A BULLET && LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR THEM IN A HEARTBEAT,, NO QUESTIONS ASKED. SURE,, THERE ARE A SELECT FEW FRIENDS THAT I HAVE THAT MEAN MORE TO ME THAN OTHERS,, BUT WHO DOESN'T HAVE THOSE KINDS OF FRIENDS? I WOULD STILL DO ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD FOR THEM,, BUT THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MY FRIENDS && MY ''BEST FRIENDS.'' MY BEST FRIENDS,, I CAN TELL THEM ANYTHING && TRUST THEM NOT TO LET THE ENTIRE TOWN KNOW. MY ''FRIENDS?'' I DON'T GET PERSONAL WITH THEM.
THERE IS NO AMOUNT OF MONEY IN THE WORLD THAT COULD MAKE ME TURN MY BACK ON THEM. MY BESTIES ARE THE ONES THAT ARE GOING TO BE THERE NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES THAT MONEY'S NOT. JUST LIKE A MAN - THEY'RE GOING TO BE THERE WHEN HE'S NOT!! I LOVE CRISTIN. I WOULD NOT HAVE MISSED HER WEDDING FOR THE ENTIRE WORLD. I REALLY DON'T CARE IF THERE WAS A FOOT OF SNOW OUTSIDE (WHICH I'M SURE IF THERE WERE,, SHE WOULDN'T HAVE HER WEDDING,, BUT I'M JUST SAYING). I WOULD'VE BEEN THERE FOR HER THROUGH HELL && HIGH WATER .. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS DO. FRIENDS ARE THERE FOR ONE ANOTHER. THAT WAS A SPECIAL DAY FOR HER && I WAS GOING TO SHARE IT WITH HER,, BECAUSE SHE'S THE TYPE OF FRIEND THAT I CONSIDER THE SISTER I'LL NEVER HAVE.
I'VE NEVER HAD A BROTHER OR SISTER TO RUN TO TO TELL SECRETS TO. I'VE NEVER HAD A BROTHER OR SISTER TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT GIGGLING WITH,, WATCHING SCARY MOVIES && WHATNOT. && I BELIEVE THAT IS WHY GOD BLESSED ME WITH THE FRIENDS THAT I DO HAVE. THAT IS WHY GOD HAS BLESSED ME WITH PEOPLE LIKE CRISTIN,, MANDY,, KARISSA,, && FALLON. THEY'RE THE PEOPLE THAT ARE GOING TO BE THERE FOR ME WHEN NO ONE ELSE IS.
SINCE PEOPLE CAN'T HANDLE THAT,, THEY CERTAINLY NEED TO GET OVER IT,, BECAUSE MY FEELINGS FOR MY FRIENDS ARE NEVER GOING TO CHANGE. THROUGHOUT TIME,, EVERYONE CHANGES THEIR MINDS ABOUT EVERYTHING,, BUT THE SUBJECT OF FRIENDS IS SOMETHING I WILL NEVER HAVE A DIFFERENT OPINION OF. FOR THEM,, I'M ON CALL 24 / 7!! IF THEY NEED ME AT 3 IN THE MORNING,, I'M THERE. && I CAN EVEN RECALL A TIME WHEN CRISTIN LIVED IN PIKEVILLE && SHE WAS HAVING A ROUGH TIME WITH SOMETHING && SHE CALLED ME AT LIKE .. MIDNIGHT,, MAYBE 1 IN THE MORNING. I WAS WILLING TO JUMP INTO MY MOM'S CAR && DRIVE THE 45 MINUTE DRIVE TO PIKEVILLE (THIS WAS BEFORE THEY HAD THE NEW SPIFFY ROAD THAT CAN GET YOU THERE IN 20 MINUTES,, DEPENDING ON HOW FAST YOU DRIVE,, LOL). && IF THAT HAPPENED,, HER LIVING UP DORTON,, I'D STILL BE WILLING TO BE THERE IN A HEARTBEAT.
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| *&& I'VE DECIDED TO LIVE MY LIFE WITH COMPLETE HAPPINESS. THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE WHO I CURRENTLY WORRY ABOUT ARE THERE FOR A REASON,, && THEY'RE THE PEOPLE I LOVE && I MUST TREAT THEM AS SUCH. I'VE DECIDED THAT WHATEVER OBSTACLES COME IN MY PATH I'M GONNA GRAB'EM BY THE HORNS && .. BEAT THE HELL OUT OF'EM. AT LEAST ATTEMPT TO,, HAHA .. DEPENDS HOW MUCH BIGGER THEY ARE THAN ME. BUT ANYWAYS :))
MY SADNESS STOPS TODAY. I'M OVER IT. I'VE GOT A LOT GOING ON IN MY LIFE TO BE THANKFUL FOR,, && SOME THINGS,, WELL .. YOU KNOW. BUT NO ONE CAN LOVE A GIRL WHO'S SO SAD ALL THE TIME!! | | |
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